What the heck were they thinking?
by PlungerGirl
Summary: Yes it's back! The anti-hasbro fic is back!! This is a "behind-the-scenes" look at what happens at Hasbro HQ. Rated R for the mention of "Hasbro", woMEN and of course, Karuteru.
1. Evil

What The Hell Were They Thinking?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own HASBRO (thank God), and I don't own the copyright of ZOIDS.  
  
Authors Notes: Unlike most fanfics out there, this is one is totally hell- bent on bashing HASBRO. I hate HASBRO. They've ruined ZOIDS and made a mockery of TOMY.  
  
Our story takes place deep, down in the sewers of Pawtucket, RI. Deep, down in this dirty sewer is where HASBRO HQ sits. PlungerGirl herself, accompanied by Karuteru, have decided to go down to the deep, dirty HASBRO HQ for "research". (well, actually, both of them were totally drunk and accidentally took a train there. BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE STORY!)  
  
So anyway as PlungerGirl and Karuteru were making their way down random pathways deep, down in the dirty sewers of HASBRO HQ, they met two really, really, REALLY, ugly guys. Er, or girls. They couldn't tell.  
  
"Stop where you are, Plunger Lady and friend. For I, Sir Doofus-lot says so"  
  
"Hey bastard!" screamed PlungerGirl drunkenly. "let me through or I'll shoot you"  
  
Sir Doofus-lot laughed stupidly and PlungerGirl took out a large bazooka and shot his head off.  
  
The second woMAN appeared.  
  
"I am the vice-president of HASBRO HQ and I shall take you there as my hostage." Said the vice-president of HASBRO HQ.  
  
"Only if you give me Ken" Karuteru said.  
  
The vice-president of HASBRO HQ blinked.  
  
"DEAL!" s/he screamed.  
  
Once they reached the HASBRO HQ Head Quarters,(hence the name), the vice-president of HASBRO HQ handed Karuteru a Barbie doll. Karuteru was confused.  
  
"I WANTED MY KEN!" she screeched.  
  
"That is a ken" s/he said.  
  
"Its not the Ken I wanted. And besides, it's a woman Barbie doll." The vice president of HASBRO HQ took out a marker and drew a mustache on the doll.  
  
"There, now it's a man Barbie doll" s/he said.  
  
Then suddenly out of the darkness, a black figure appeared.  
  
S/he was wearing a really, really, REALLY, ugly costume. It was neon green with a bright, baby-poop coloured cape.  
  
"I AM THE PRESIDENT OF HASBRO HQ!" S/he screamed.  
  
"Are you a boy or a girl?" Karuteru asked.  
  
"PAT-PAT TEST!" Plunger Girl screamed.  
  
"No. Don't please. Err, I mean, MY NAME IS STU!" Stu said.  
  
"Stu who?" "STU KATZ!" Stukatz laughed.  
  
  
  
Dear Lord...  
  
Anyway, Stukatz sat down at a really, really, REALLY, ugly table with a bunch of sewer rats.  
  
"These rats are HASBRO HQ employees," Stukatz said.  
  
"TODAY!" said one rat. "WE WILL DISCUSS THE ISSUES OF OUR TOY CALLED ZORGS."  
  
"You mean ZOIDS." PlungerGirl said.  
  
"Right. What did I say?"  
  
Another "employee" spoke up.  
  
"First we will discuss the Saber Tiger model"  
  
"FIRST OF ALL, LETS CHANGE THE NAME!" Stukatz said.  
  
Everyone thought.  
  
"LETS CALL IT THE XENO FANG!" "NO! THE BOOBIE FANG!"  
  
"NO!!!" Employee no.9347838652893 said. "HOW ABOUT ZABER FANG?"  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"LETS PAINT IT GREEN!"  
  
"NO! BROWN!"  
  
"NO!" Employee no.9348763265 said. "LETS PAINT IT A REALLY UGLY YELLOW!"  
  
"YEAH!" everyone said.  
  
"Dear Lord" Karuteru thought.  
  
"Wouldn't it make more sense you kept it red? It saves money."  
  
"No. That would be the "smart" thing to do. WE WANT TO BE DIFFERENT THEN THOSE JAPANESE PEOPLE!" Stukatz said.  
  
To be continued...  
  
  
  
READ AND REVIEW NOW!!! 


	2. More evil

What The Hell Were They Thinking? Part 2  
  
Our story continues in the sewers of Pawtucket, RI where HASBRO HQ sits.  
  
PlungerGirl and Karuteru have been taken hostage by the evil vice president of HASBRO HQ.  
  
So anyway..  
  
One employee spoke up.  
  
"Now. we will discuss the issues of TOMY'S Salamander model."  
  
Stu Katz sat confused.  
  
"Salamander?? LETS CHANGE THE NAME!"  
  
"Why?" PlungerGirl asked.  
  
"Because, the salamander is a reptile, this model is a bird. It will confuse little children!"  
  
"Um, actually a salamander is an amphibian. And the model is supposed to be shaped after a dragon not a bird."  
  
"SEIZE HER!" screamed Stu Katz.  
  
Two woMEN jumped out from nowhere and started beating PlungerGirl with e- Kara's.  
  
"MERCY!" she screamed.  
  
Another rat sat up and said, "Now we will discuss the matters of the Blade Liger-"  
  
Before he could finish his sentence Stu Katz jumped up and said, "LETS CHANGE THE COLOUR!"  
  
"WHY??" PlungerGirl screamed.  
  
"Because blue is to original."  
  
"I agree" said Karuteru. "We should die it purple. With a purple cape. And purple sunglasses with yellow rims and call is the Kaizer Zoid!"  
  
....Silence.... "Um no"  
  
"How about WHITE??" one employee said.  
  
"NO! YELLOW!"  
  
"NO! BLACK!"  
  
"BLUE!" Plunger Girl said.  
  
"NO!" everyone screamed.  
  
"How about red?" Employee no.86487583195 said.  
  
"OKAY!" said everyone but PlungerGirl.  
  
"Now, the model comes with 4 little weird people and a dinosaur."  
  
"You mean Van, Fiona and Jeeku." Said PlungerGirl.  
  
"Err, right."  
  
"NO WAY!" Stu Katz said. "WE MUST TAKE THOSE OUT! Children will probably eat the things and choke on them."  
  
"Well, actually Kids could choke on the model pieces itself anyway."  
  
"ATTACK!" Stu Katz ordered.  
  
The two woMEN started throwing "Easy Bakes" at Plunger Girl.  
  
"Now for the discussion of the Stealth Viper."  
  
"Change the name" Stu Katz said, yawning.  
  
"Why?" asked Plunger Girl, her nose bleeding tremendously.  
  
"Stealth refers to WAR!!! Little kids will get bad ideas."  
  
"WHAT!?" Karuteru screamed.  
  
Karuteru didn't care to much for ZOIDS, but even she saw through this horrible remark.  
  
"YOU HAKE FREAKING G.I JOE DOLLS!! HOW COULD THAT BE OKAY BUT "STEALTH" NOT BE??"  
  
Stu Katz snapped his fingers.  
  
The two woMEN appeared and shoved a TRANSFORMERS GO BOTS action figure up her ass.  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
READ AND REVIEW, DAMNIT! 


	3. Even MORE evil!

What The Hell Were They Thinking? PART 3  
  
Stu Katz sat back in his chair.  
  
Employee no.385328745093187 jumped up.  
  
"Now. for. the Hellcat!"  
  
"NO!" screamed Stu Katz.  
  
"Thatsbadthatsbadthatsbad!" he said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"IT SAYS...HELL..." Stu Katz said.  
  
Yawn.  
  
"So?"  
  
"LITTLE CHILDREN WILL JOIN CULTS TO SATAN WORSHIPING!!"  
  
PlungerGirl rolled her eyes.  
  
"Little children don't even buy ZOIDS!" she said.  
  
Two woMEN jumped out.  
  
"aw shit." PlungerGirl said.  
  
One of them pulled down her pants and the other one shoved a hit clips player up her ass.  
  
PlungerGirl winced.  
  
"Now. we shall change the name to... uh."  
  
Stu Katz started flipping through the dictionary. He stopped at "attack" and then at "cat".  
  
"Attack Cat" he said.  
  
"Lets change it around!!"  
  
  
  
After hours of thinking and brainstorming, Stu Katz discovered the new name.  
  
"ATTAK KAT!" he screeched.  
  
"That's the worst name ever!" PlungerGirl said.  
  
A queasy bake oven was launched through the air and landed on Plunger Girls head.  
  
"oh." she moaned.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry I had to abruptly end this, but I had my reasons.  
  
To be continued... 


End file.
